that’s life Nosing around other homes on the Net

By Tammy Keith

LITTLE ROCK — I’ve discovered a new form of entertainment that is free and satisfies my natural curiosity.

OK, actually I’m just really nosey.

From time to time I get house fever, and the other night I sat down and looked at a Web site that not only has homes listed, it has inside photos.

Three things were immediately clear to me - just because you have money doesn’t mean you have taste; people have too dadgum many refrigerator magnets; and dead animals on the wall don’t give me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

I sat for probably 30 minutes, when I should have been doing something else, and looked at house after house.

My husband was reading in the other room, and every few minutes I’d yell out with an opinion about another home.

“Oh, my gosh! This wallpaper is hideous!” Now, it’s none of my business if people want to have pink countertops. I just don’t think it’s a selling point.

I realize that sometimes you buy a house, and you live with things until you can afford to change them. The first house we bought in Conway was from a wonderful couple, but the woman liked blue - blue linoleum, blue curtains, blue paint trim, blue-and-white bathroom countertop.

I took down the curtains and painted what I could, but I’m pretty sure the blue linoleumwas still there when I moved.

This house we’re in now looked almost new when we bought it a few years ago. The woman had a housekeeper - and a girl. My two boys quickly wore most of that new off with wrestling, karate kicks and an uncontrollable male need to jump up and try to touch the ceiling.

I’ve taken down the 90s-style wallpaper in both bathrooms, repainted and put in new tile, but there are still things on my list.

So I understand not every house looks like a picture in a magazine. But here’s what I don’t get - didn’t these people know someone with the real estate agency was going to take pictures inside their homes? If so, I would think they might pick up a few things. Take off the 147 magnets on their refrigerator and maybe even move the 1970s senior picture over the fireplace of their kid.

From what I’ve read, a home should look neutral so the people buying it can imagine their own family there.

One person selling his home must be a hunter extraordinaire, because there were more dead animals hanging on the walls of that house than all the road kill I’ve seen in my entire life.

It’s not like I don’t have some tacky stuff. When we put our first house up for sale, I renteda storage unit. I hauled a ton of my garage-sale treasures there, as well as my extensive Snoopy collection (hey, I have some vintage items).

I pretended I was neat.

Anyway, I’m getting house fever, just a little bit. I looked around my own house after satisfying my voyeurism by looking into other people’s homes, and if the pictures were taken now, here’s what they’d show: kitchen cabinets so cluttered you can barely see they’re hunter green;

a living room full of Rock Bandvideo-game equipment, a real guitar, enough cables and cords to stretch from here to China, a portrait of my boys over the fireplace that is getting pretty dated;

and a laundry room with about six pairs of boat-sized boys’ shoes on the floor, not to mention the overflowing laundry basket.

And I’ll be danged if my 18-year-old didn’t just come home from the taxidermist today with the mallard he shot this winter.

It’s hanging in my kitchen.

We’re definitely not ready for our close-up.

Three Rivers, Pages 105, 114 on 08/10/2008