that’s life Last-minute vacation to Florida

By Tammy Keith

LITTLE ROCK — We squeezed in one more trip before school starts tomorrow - a quick weekend getaway to Florida.

My husband wasn’t thrilled about it at first, since we’d just been to Rosemary Beach in June for my brother’s wedding.

That, I argued, didn’t really count as our vacation. It was fun, but it was a lot of scheduled fun. We hardly paid for anything then, so this trip would be like getting two for one, right?

Plus, our college-bound son wanted to take a family trip - and bring his girlfriend.

What mother in her right mind is gonna pass that up?

Not this momma.

I figured this could be a true test of their relationship.

Our younger son, who doesn’t wear shorts, much less like the beach, stayed with my parents.

The weather was glorious; the water was crystal clear - no jellyfish, no seaweed, and I didn’t see a single fat guy in a Speedo.

Here’s what I think I’ll remember most:

The food. We splurged on a very nice restaurant, where we’ve been before and loved. The steak was perfect, but I can still see the server’s face when my son’s girlfriend asked for ketchup. He hesitated just a beat before he smiled and said, “Sure. I won’t tell the chef.” He brought a teeny, tiny white bowl with the condiment in it.

The people. Of course, as always, I saw someone I knew. I heard my name being called in a familiar twang when I was on the beach. It was my former boss from the time I went temporarily insane and sold advertising. It was fun to see her and meet her family.

Some people on the beach weren’t as much fun. Isn’t there a beach etiquette book somewhere that says parents shouldn’t repeatedly yell their children’s trendy names? That you shouldn’t bring a radio to the beach and force us all to listen? And that you shouldn’t talk on your cell phone the entire time, missing a dolphin flipping in the air and then talk about how you wish you’d gotten its picture, “if I hadn’t been on my cell phone?”

The meltdown. I bought a white chocolate sand dollar for a friend as a gift. My husband took the sack andwent to the van with our son to wait on us girls. When we got to the parking lot, I saw my husband’s arm holding the bag of chocolate outside the van. In Florida. In August. “There was a breeze,” he said. I melted down faster than the chocolate. Thank God I had the Godiva with me, or he’d be dead.

The card games. We played poker with peanuts. Ones from a jar. I will remember this because I was munching on some in a baggie, and my husband said, “You’re eating the poker chips.” The ones that had been touched, dropped on the floorand pushed all over the table. Blech.

The laughter. My husband, son and I had one of those moments. It had to do with a peanut and the funny way I pushed it with one finger when I bet. All I know is, three of us laughed hysterically until we had tears running down our faces. The girlfriend, looking a little frightened, said, “This family is weird,” or words to that effect.

I prefer to say we put the fun in dysfunctional.

But she’s still dating my son, so I guess the trip was a success.

River Valley Ozark, Pages 129, 134 on 08/17/2008